Noah Puckerman and the three crazies
by astronomysnap
Summary: the full title is "Noah Puckerman and the two crazy chicks who owned his life, and the other one who owned his heart" It's a Puckleberry fic, with some conflict from Santana and Quinn. Also some finchel, but Puckerman wins ;D T for language


Authors note: Okay, this is my first Glee fic, so bear with me. I'm going to try to do mostly puck POV, if anyone would like to maybe write a "rachel" side to this story, message me (: I think that would be boss awesome.

Twelve. That was the number of women Noah Badass Puckerman, had been able to bag in the last seven months. He liked to think that twelve was so bad ass that no one on earth would be able to top that. Especially no one in Lima. The amount of ladies who would open their legs to him was unbelievable. That was until he got mixed up with Santana, who was like a crazy lioness. He felt like her cub, (h_er sexy cub, that she sent nude pics to frequently via text.)_ Any time he even thought about getting near someone, she would go all Sarah Connor on their asses and he'd be left cock blocked. He hated it, (u_ntil she took her clothes off, then he forgot her wrong doings._) Santana was the epitome of crazy as shit ex girlfriends, or whatever the hell she was. (_They didn't date, just fucked. It's a difference..)_ Puck couldn't so much as look at someone without having Santana all up in his junk asking what the hell was going on. It was almost as annoying as crazy ass Rachel Berry, who made him want to light himself on fire. Yeah, Santana was a psycho, but she made up for that with her amazing rack and flexibility.

And then there was Quinn, his baby momma. Quinn was a hot piece of ass when he wanted her, but then this baby shit happened and he got stuck with the over hormonal, ex cheerleader, living at his house and eating food that his mother was supposed to be fixing him. It's not that he didn't have a place in his heart for her, cause he totally did. (_He isn't that heartless, although most people, namely Rachel Berry, would like to point out that he is the most heartless human being in the world. Bullshit, he wasn't heartless, he just had other priorities. Whatever._) He just found it annoying that he couldn't bring his "dates" home anymore. He first realized this on a Friday night after a football game. There he was, pinning a chick from the other teams cheer leading squad against his bed, about to take her clothes off and have his way with her, when in walks Quinn. Not only did she look pissed, but she looked hurt. And fuck, Puck didn't go for that hurt expression shit. He had nothing else to do than to tell the chick (_Sarah? Allison?_) under him that she needed to leave because his baby momma was home and that shit just wasn't going to fly with him. (_Normally he'd call for a threesome, but he just didn't have the heart to ask a pregnant chick to do something like that for him. Besides, you couldn't have sex with a pregnant chick.... Obviously, you wouldn't want to hit the baby with your dick.... Yeah, his dick is that big_.)

Last, but certainly not least (n_ormally, she would have gone first. But in his mind, Puck was putting her last to piss her off, cause he loved that shit._) was Rachel "Crazy" Berry. He just didn't get that girl. She was hot, if not hotter, than any of the other chicks in Lima, but her insecurities and crazy antics made him want to punch babies. She talked too much, and it was almost always about herself, which made Puck zone out more than he did in Spanish Class. (_Sorry , but Spanish is a dead language. Puck didn't know why it had to be learned. No one even spoke that shit anymore._) Rachel Berry confused the fuck out of him. The way she cared about him and shit made his mind go crazy. She seriously mind fucked him, all the time. She was a tiny little chick, but she had more talent than anyone ever. Rachel Berry listened to what Puck had to say (_Which wasn't alot, cause, fuck. He's not a chick. He doesn't talk about feelings and shit. But if he were going to, Rachel Berry would be the person he'd go to_.) Ever since he had met Rachel, she seriously wouldn't leave his mind. It annoyed the piss out of him, because every time he was about to bang a MILF, or drink a beer, there sat a mini Rachel on his shoulder telling him why he shouldn't do what he was doing. (_"Noah Puckerman! Consuming that beer is unacceptable. It has a .5 amount of alcohol in it and you're an underage persons. If you were to get caught with that, you would be locked up for an exceptionally long time, what would your poor mother say?" Fuck that, he could drink if he wanted to. Rachel Berry didn't own him. He was a badass, he owned himself._) She drove him insane, but she also had burnt herself into his mind and she wasn't planning on leaving it any time soon.

Now if things were to go Puck's way, he would live his life unbothered, banging any hot females that came his way. Unfortunately for him, he had three crazies keeping him in check. Santana, the man eater. Quinn, the pregnant chick. And Rachel. The Princess. His princess, (_But he'd die before he'd ever admit that shit. Especially to Rachel, she'd get all cheeky and want to snuggle... Or sing. No thanks. Noah Puckerman doesn't snuggle, and he only sings when it's a matter of impressing a lady. Unless he's alone, then he can do whatever he wants. Why? Because he's Noah Puckerman, and that's reason enough.) _Unfortunately for Puck, Rachel was so stuck up Finn's ass that she didn't even realize that he was crazy about her. (_As in, he wanted to bang her brains out, cause Puck doesn't do "crushes")_ He felt that it was just too much effort to try to win her from Hudson. Besides, Finn was his bestfriend, and he had already gotten his girlfriend pregnant. It would be wrong on so many levels to steal his whatever Rachel was. But that didn't stop Puck from thinking about her, and dreaming about her.

The dreams started one night after Glee practices had been cancelled. Rachel had missed the announcement that the practice was cancelled due to Mr. Shue being sick, or some shit like that, and she had showed up anyways. Rachel, being a sophomore, couldn't drive and relied on her dads to pick her up from Glee. Unfortunately for her, they work late and couldn't come to the school to pick her up before her usual scheduled time. Rachel was appalled at the lack of dedication to the Glee club that the other students had, but she tried to make the most of her alone time and practice her singing. She was used to it, being alone. Rachel had been in the spotlight her entire life, but still felt like she was alone. No one really liked her, and it kinda pissed Puck off. She liked to tell him that it was just because they were jealous of her incredible vocal skills and intense dance background, but he knew that the real reason was just because she was so damn self absorbed.

Puck had basketball practice that afternoon (_yeah, he plays basketball in addition to football, cause that's what badasses did.)_ and he was walking towards the locker room when he heard show tunes. "What the hell?" He walked towards the Glee room, wondering if they had just told him that there wasn't practice that day just to get him to leave them the hell alone. The thought of that kinda stung a little, even though he would never admit that. As he got closer, he could hear Rachel singing "Don't Rain on My Parade," and he stood outside the door listening for a minute until her barged in, a grin on his face. "Well Berry, I knew you loved Glee club, but do you really have so little to do on a Friday night that you have to come sing when we don't have practice." Rachel's eyes shot up to look at him, he had interupted her song, and then insulted her. If he was trying to be charming, it definitely wasn't working.

"For your information, Noah, I was mislead into thinking that we did indeed have rehearsals tonight, so my loving fathers were not told to arrive here until much later in the evening." Fuck, he hated when she took something that could be answered so simply and turned it into a novel. "Good god Berry, couldn't you just say something like 'my dad's are late and I thought I had practice today?' That would be so much easier, don't you think?" He walked over and sat down on the front row, watching her face as she tried to think of a comeback. "As a matter of fact, no. I will not belittle my vocabulary so that people won't have to listen as hard. That's ridiculous, and I know you're intelligent enough to understand exactly what I mean when I say such things." Puck rolled his eyes and gave her a blank stare, trying to make her realize that she spoke entirely too much for him to listen. "Whatever." They bother stared at each other for about 30 seconds. Puck was about to say something that would possibly change his life forever, and she didn't know was about to hit her. "Look, it would suck for you to have to sit here alone... Do you need a ride?" This could be a very, very bad idea, he realized, but he felt bad for the girl. He could atleast try to be a knight in shining armour for a moment (_Fuck off, he only thought that for a second.. Until Berry got in his car and talked his damn ear off. He didn't have feelings for her, it was just a ride.)_ "Yes, Noah, that would be very generous of you. Just let me go get my bag out of my locker and I'll arrive at your car in a short amount of time. Un momento, por favor." (_What the fuck, with the Spanish? Come on Berry, it's a dead language...)_ "Alright." He said and walked out the door, he was about to get on the crazy train. Destination? Rachel Berry's heart.


End file.
